When nobody wants the family heirlooms anymore, what can you do?

As more and more of the US population ages, downsizes, and passes away there is a tremendous amount of STUFF flooding the market. Younger generations are faced with inheriting a sizable amount of family heirlooms, but their homes are already full. It seems nobody wants the family heirlooms anymore.  So what can you do when it happens to you?  
 
In this article, we'll discuss some options for what to do with the family heirlooms when nobody wants them. As a bonus for readers, we are sharing this free printable Declutter + Downsize Family Heirlooms Game Plan.
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Perhaps the toughest thing to deal with is managing expectations about family heirlooms. ​Items that have been in the family for decades are automatically passed down to the next generation...whether they like it or not. 

Obviously, there are many family heirlooms that are truly treasured and gratefully accepted.  However, there are also heirlooms that younger generations accept out of a sense of duty, guilt, or without even being asked if they want. 

Burden vs. Joy
If you're soon-to-be-inheriting, carefully consider what you honestly want to accept.  Accepting a family heirloom should be a joy, not a burden to carry. If you do not have the space for the item, respectfully decline to take it. If the item causes you emotional or financial distress, don't take it. Think of it this way: would your grandmother want you to have to pay for a storage unit so you can keep her dining room table? 

The Guilt
Often times, it is guilt that forces us to take things we really don't want. Human beings have the tendency to merge their emotions for a person into the THINGS that person owned.  But remember: it is just a THING, not a person.  Your love for your great aunt isn't lessened because you don't want her silver tea set.  You still love her...you just don't love tea sets. 

Things Nobody Ever Wants
There are things that get held onto and passed down that nobody ever wants.  Letters written in anger, racist antiques, and ashes of the deceased top the list. If an heirloom makes you feel sad, ashamed, or unjustly burdened, give yourself permission to get rid of it.  The things that live in your house should make you feel happy.

Tacky and outdated collections are another thing nobody ever wants.  Consider selling or donating items you know you will never even take out of the box. 

Related articles:
Help Organize Your Aging Parents (While They are Young + Healthy)
Mentally Prepare for Downsizing Your Home: 4 Tips to Control Your Emotions
Declutter, Donate, and Deduct

​If you have family heirlooms in your home, consider different options for using them.  For instance, if you inherited gold rimmed wine glasses, think about using them for your everyday glasses. Sure, the gold will wear off, but if nobody wants to take the glasses in the future, isn't it better to get some use out of them?

Another idea is to frame the heirloom and display it in your house.  Baptismal gowns, old letters and recipes, photographs, and military awards all lend themselves to display in shadowboxes. Have items professionally framed to preserve them. 

Perhaps one of the best ideas I've come across is giving the item a "Victory Lap". Let's say you've inherited the family wedding china...which has been packed away and sitting in your attic since you got it.  Using the Victory Lap concept, you would make an event out of using it one last time.

Unpack the china and set your table with it.  Invite as many family members as you can for dinner to use the china, even if it's just takeout pizza. During dinner, reminisce about the family member that owned the china and take lots of photographs. Offer each family member a place setting to take home. Pack up and donate the remaining pieces to charity.  Be sure to share the photos with your family. 

​If you've inherited a large collection that you do not want or have the space for, think about cutting it down.  For instance, if you've come into a large collection of Depression glass, choose 1 or 2 meaningful pieces and sell or donate the rest. 

If it is a collection you'll never use or display, give yourself permission to let it go.  You may feel guilty for selling or donating am family heirloom collection that a grandparent spent years building, but remember: theses are just THINGS, not a person.   You still love your grandparent even if you donated their Depression glass collection.

​Consider the historical significance of family heirlooms or collections and donate items where they will be treasured.    For example, wartime memorabilia may be appreciated by the local VFW post.  Old sports trophies and yearbooks may be of interest to the local high school. Research local historical societies, museums, universities, and service organizations. Things that nobody in your family wants may be welcomed elsewhere. 

​When selling antiques and family heirlooms, it is important to do your research.  Sometimes a simple online search will give you a rough idea whether an items holds any financial value or not. 

The best advice is to consult with a reputable certified appraiser.  Having a professional appraiser look at your items is worth the reasonable fee they charge.  Professionals can keep you from throwing away things your thought were fakes (such as jewelry) and give you an idea of what an item may be worth. 

If selling items yourself, use extreme caution. Be sure to only accept cash from buyers, meet at a safe public location, and have another person with you.  You can never be too careful.  

​Related Articles:

• Mom, We Have to Talk: 5 Ways to Discuss Downsizing with your Aging Parents
• Assess the Mess: How to Plan out Downsizing a Home
• 4 Smart Ideas for Selling Your Stuff Offline...and 1 Really Dumb One
  
• ​​Sometimes You Can’t Do it on Your Own: When it’s Time to Throw in the Towel and Hire an Estate Clearing Professional to Help you Finish the Job.

When nobody wants the family heirlooms, it can be difficult to figure out what to do.  You have several options, from saying "no" to taking the items to selling the items. Weigh your options carefully and make the decision that works best for you, your family, and your circumstance. 

Professional Disclaimer: The ideas, recommendations, and opinions on this website, blog, and made in person are for educational and entertainment purposes only, and should not be considered legal, financial, or medical advice. I am not an attorney, doctor, or licensed financial professional. Sage Organizing Co., LLC is not liable for any losses or damages related to actions or failure to act related to the content of this website, blog, or in-person discussions. If you need specific legal, financial, or medical advice, consult a professional in your area.

When you decide that you’re ready to downsize your family home, you’ll need to mentally prepare for the emotions that will bubble up. You’ll be faced with boxes of memories, souvenirs, and heirlooms.  It’s not the stuff in the house that brings up all the emotions: it’s the stories attached to the stuff. Clearing out a home for a downsizing or after the death of a loved one is a rite of passage.
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In this post, I’ll be sharing the 4 tips for controlling your emotions before, during and after you downsize your home. As a bonus for my subscribers, I’m sharing this Downsizing Your Home Emotional Roadmap.

First things first: just accept the fact that you are going to feel guilty about downsizing your home. It is totally normal to feel guilty about letting things go.  A lot of times, this is one of the biggest obstacles to overcome when downsizing. 

Whether you put the guilt on yourself or somebody else is guilt-tripping you, it still feels pretty rotten, right?

Some common guilt-isms:

• My Mom (or whoever) gave  this to me, so I have to keep it. 
• It was expensive, so I should get my money's worth.
• It doesn't fit anymore, but one day it might.

Remember, WHEN THE GUILT SETS IN IT IS OK TO LET IT GO.   Giving yourself permission to get rid of the guilt is liberating, y'all. 

Many of our parents were the children of Depression-era parents, so they grew up with the "I might need it someday" mindset. As a Professional Organizer, I see people save things "they might need" in literally 100% of the homes I work in.  (Note: I'm including myself in this category. For me it's gift bags.)

It was/is considered wasteful to throw things out for ANY reason.  Broken appliance? It can be fixed.  Leftover Cool Whip containers? Save them to store leftovers. Whole mess of gift bags after a birthday?  Save them and re-use. (See...I told you).

And let's not even get started on too small/slightly damaged clothes. Oy vey.

What I'm saying is IT ISN'T WASTEFUL TO LET SOMETHING GO IF YOU FIND A GOOD HOME FOR IT.   Let someone else benefit from the things you don't use or need. 

• Recycle and re-use things. But think about when it makes more sense to let it go.
• Save hand-me-down clothing for a friend or neighbor.  And then get it out of your house. Those size 4 jeans you'll never fit in again could make a difference in someone else's life. 
• Call a homeless shelter or a battered women's shelter or an animal shelter or a food bank and ask what they need.  Chances are you have things in your house right now that could be doing good for others.

Related articles:
Mom, We Have to Talk: 5 Ways to Discuss Downsizing with Your Aging Parents
With free Discussion Cheat Sheet
Assess the Mess: How to Plan Out Downsizing Your Home
With free Room-by-Room Checklist
 Help Organize Your Aging Parents (While They are Still Young and Healthy)
With free Conversation Guide

​This is where your heart is going to get you in trouble.  People transfer their love for a person into an object they associate with that person. It's science, y'all.
                                                                                                                                                                      But think about it: you are letting go of a THING, not your love for the person who gave it to you.

Just because I donated the encyclopedia set that I got from my Grandmother to Goodwill, it does not mean I don't love my Grandma.  I kept one of the books and let the rest go. And I still think about my Grandma every day when I see that one encyclopedia volume on my office shelves. Win-win.

Same goes with emotional souvenirs from our youth.  You don't need to keep every t-shirt from every sports team and vacation and event you went to.  Those are THINGS.  You will still have the memories even if you don't have bins of yellow t-shirts in the attic. 

Helpful tip: if you struggle to let sentimental items go, keep one or two, then photograph the rest and put the pictures in an album. 

Remember, you want to separate the object from the person when you are downsizing your house. 

​At some point during the downsizing process, you're going to get mad. Like, ready-to-scream-mad. 

Mad at yourself. Why didn't I start downsizing sooner? Why did I waste my money on this? I'm such an awful person for being mad (#guilt).

Mad at your parents. Why did they leave all this for me to deal with? What in the Hell were they thinking?

Mad at your spouse, siblings and/or kids.  Why aren't they pulling their weight in helping me? Why am I doing all this? 

IT IS COMPLETELY NORMAL TO FEEL ANGER.   Moving (including downsizing) is one of the most stressful things you can do.  It is normal and healthy to feel upset. Accept that anger is going to be a part of the process and make a plan in advance for how to handle it. 

Related article:
Clutter Puts the Rage in Garage: 6 Steps to DIY the Garage of Your Dreams.
With free Garage Organization Planner. 
4 Smart Ideas for Selling Your Stuff Offline...and 1 Really Dumb One

After all the guilt and the anger, you will eventually feel so much better. Even if you aren't planning on leaving this Earth anytime soon, downsizing your own home will remove an albatross from around your neck.  It's like the weight of the world being removed. 

Downsizing makes your feel happier because you know that you've lessened the burden on your family in the future. 

Downsizing your home makes you proud because you've helped others in your community by donating things you don't need or use. 

Professional Disclaimer: The ideas, recommendations, and opinions on this website, blog, and made in person are for educational and entertainment purposes only, and should not be considered legal, financial, or medical advice. I am not an attorney, doctor, or licensed financial professional. Sage Organizing Co., LLC is not liable for any losses or damages related to actions or failure to act related to the content of this website, blog, or in-person discussions. If you need specific legal, financial, or medical advice, consult a professional in your area.

Related articles:
Mom, We Have to Talk: 5 Ways to Discuss Downsizing with Your Aging Parents
With free Discussion Cheat Sheet
Assess the Mess: How to Plan Out Downsizing Your Home
With free Room-by-Room Checklist
 Help Organize Your Aging Parents (While They are Still Young and Healthy)
With free Conversation Guide

​At some point, every family in America will be faced with the task of helping their aging parents downsize a home that has probably been lived in for decades.  Whether the downsize is to move to a smaller home or an assisted living facility, it can be a tremendously overwhelming process. Where things get tricky, of course, is figuring out what to do with a lifetime of possessions. A home is museum of your family’s life, so it can be emotionally difficult to let things go.
 
In this post, I’ll share the 5 keys to success for a downsizing project.  As a bonus, I’ve created this FREE Discussion Cheat Sheet.  Click to download. 

Don’t try to downsize the whole house at once: just take it one room at a time. For the first room, choose a room that has the least amount of items in it.  That way when you’ve completed that room you have a small success under your belt and it will motivate you to keep going.

Be aware and respect the fact that there is emotional weight attached to many of the items in every house.  You will probably hear “that belonged to my mother/grandparent” more times than you can count. Be patient and take breaks if you start to feel frustrated. 

It will take some strict self-enforcement, but as you review items, stick to Yes or No, but never Maybe.  If you allow Maybes, it becomes the “dumping ground” for things that you will have to review again.  Anything that is a Yes should have a specific place, purpose, or plan for the new home. A No should be separated out into Donate or Discard. 

​Related articles:
Assess the Mess: How to Plan out Downsizing a Home.
with free printable Room-by-Room checklist
Mentally Prepare for Downsizing Your Home: 4 Tips to Control Your Emotions
with free printable Emotional Roadmap
5 Secrets for Solving Family Inheritance Disputes

The thought of getting rid of 75% of your possessions can be distressing, at the very least and traumatic at the worst.  I have 2 ways to frame the job that I suggest trying:

1. “Let’s choose the items you want to treasure” instead of “What can we get rid of?”. Just the simple mind-shift can ease the emotional impact.  Make this your mantra.
2. “Donating these items to Habitat for Humanity (or whatever charity is close to your parents’ heart) will be such a blessing to someone.”  Knowing that the things in your home will benefit someone else can make it easier to let go. 
   
   

When choosing what day-to-day items will make the move along with your parent, choose the items they use daily.  For example, if your Mom has old worn juice glasses that she has used every day for 25 years, those should go to her new home.  Don’t choose the fancy juice glasses she got for a wedding present and never used, and surely don’t go buy a brand new set of glasses, either.  Having familiar items in the new home will help ease some of the transition anxiety and provide comfort.

To read more about Organizing Your Aging Parents, click here.

​Have a strategy for dealing with collections, because there simply will not be room to take everything to the new home. Whether it is a collection of salt and pepper shakers or antique tools, try these three tips.

1. “Choose your one favorite piece to treasure”.   It is important to give your aging parent some control in what they want to take with them. Moving to a new home is very stressful and can make your parents feel that they aren’t in control of their own lives anymore.
2. “Let’s pack this one items to take with you, and we’ll create a photo album of the other items”.  Photographing treasured pieces of a collection, printing them out and creating an album is a good way to preserve the memories.
3. “Let’s start gifting these legacy items now”.  For example, if a family member is going to be the eventual recipient of the antique tool collection, give it to them now.  If your parent knows that their wishes are being carried out, it helps with the anxiety. 

Be realistic about how you’re going to get rid of 75% of a home’s possessions. It is a significant amount of work to coordinate all the logistics. Your main options are to sell or to donate.
Selling items
Most families have the desire to sell some of the possessions, but aren’t sure where to start.  You can try services like EBTH or estate sale companies. Always check with the Better Business Bureau and check references of any service you retain to sell your items.  Some families choose to consign household items: be advised that there is quite a process involved.  Another route is to list things on Craigslist, eBay, Facebook, etc., but be aware that the sheer number of items you’ll have to manage is overwhelming. The technology and selling items one-by-one is tedious and can be a barrier.

Related article: Help Organize Your Aging Parents While They Are Still Young + Healthy, includes Free Printable Checklist
Donations
Do a google search for local charities in your area to find out where you can donate items.  You can find good homes for nearly all of the things in an average home.  For example, local pet shelters and animal hospitals always accept sheets, towels, linens and laundry detergent.  Local schools are happy to accept office supplies and food banks accept unopened food, food wrap, etc.

If your parents have collections that may have interest to a museum or school, consider donating the entire collection.  For instance, a large collection of military memorabilia may find a new home in a local museum, military school, or veterans center.
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Find charities that will pick-up donations at the home. Each group usually has their own guidelines about what they will and won’t accept, so take a minute to research them. Discuss with your parents whether they want to be there as items are being carried away or not.  

​Having a neutral party help with the process can ease the amount of family tension. There are often family dynamics that make the downsizing process complex, so bring in a professional to help navigate.  Do a Google search for local Professional Organizers and be sure to check references.  When hiring a professional, be sure you are clear about your timeline, any concerns you have, and most of all, be honest. 

Professional Disclaimer: The ideas, recommendations, and opinions on this website, blog, and made in person are for educational and entertainment purposes only, and should not be considered legal, financial, or medical advice. I am not an attorney, doctor, or licensed financial professional. Sage Organizing Co., LLC is not liable for any losses or damages related to actions or failure to act related to the content of this website, blog, or in-person discussions. If you need specific legal, financial, or medical advice, consult a professional in your area.

If you have recently looked around your home (or your aging parents’ house), you’ve probably realized that it couldn’t hurt to start downsizing your stuff. More than likely, your home is filled to the brim: a garage, attic and basement that are storage warehouses, closets and drawers that are stuffed, and living areas that are spilling over with stuff.

​Your home is a museum of your family’s life, but it has gotten so full you can’t see the forest for the trees.  Let’s take a look at how you can start the process, at your house or in your aging parents’ home, of realistically assessing how much stuff there really is. To help you out, we’ve created a free room-by-room checklist to use. 

People throw the word “hoarder” around lightly to describe homes that are chock full of clutter.  But most people aren’t true hoarders, meaning that they have been diagnosed with a mental disorder.  Most people simply hang on to things they don’t see any reason to throw out. 

A simple example is the plastic souvenir cup.  These cups have no monetary value, aren’t used daily, and yet every home I’ve ever been in has at least 50 of these cups taking up space in the cupboards. It’s the “maybe I’ll use it someday” theory combined with the “but I got it at XYZ event” concept that causes people to not be able to throw things away.

Now take the example of the souvenir cup and multiply it times a house that has been lived in for over 20 years.  The result is a house full of stuff that isn’t necessarily garbage, but it also isn’t serving any purpose in your life. All the stuff is doing is making you feel disorganized. 
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Ask yourself if you can make peace with reducing the amount of stuff in your house.  How would you feel if you owned less stuff? How would you feel if your old sweaters that don’t fit anymore ended up in the hands of someone who needed a sweater? There are charity organizations out there that will take virtually everything in your house and put it to good use. (Need help finding a donation resources in Charlotte, NC? Click here to see some of our favorite groups.)
 
If you are helping an aging parent through this process, be sure to emphasize that their donations will benefit someone local in need. It often makes letting things go easier if they know it is going to a good home. Another way to frame it is to think of what you want to keep and treasure, instead of focusing on what you need to get rid of. 
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Related articles:
Help Organize Your Aging Parents (While They are Still Young + Healthy)
with Two Easy-ish Conversations Guide
Mentally Prepare for Downsizing Your Home: 4 Tips to Control Your Emotions
With free printable Emotional Roadmap
Mom, We Have to Talk: 5 Ways to Discuss Downsizing with Your Aging Parents 
with Discussion Guide

Start by making a list of all the areas on the property that you need to look at. I’d suggest starting with the areas that are designed for storage purposes: attics, basements, garages and crawl spaces are usually the worst. Remember outside sheds, barns, etc., too.

Next, note every coat, linen, hall and storage closet, every room, and look for any “hidey-holes” that may be in the house.  I know from experience that “smurf doors” (half sized doors that usually have attic-quality storage behind them) tend to be filled to the brim with holiday décor, old stereo equipment and outdated home items.
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When you are doing your assessment, you need to look in ALL the places.  Trust me: there is stuff stashed everywhere in a home. 
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Related Articles: Closet Organization Ideas + Hacks , 6 DIY Steps to Organize Your Garage

​Once you have your list of places to search, it’s time to start poking through each location, room-by-room. I suggest looking at the furnishings, closets, drawers, and amount of papers in each room. 
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You’ll want to give each area a grade on a 1-3 scale. For example, say you are looking through a bedroom closet. Grade it like this:
 1= can see the floor and /or there is negative space (hooray!)
2= items on floor, most of shelf space is full (you can work with this!)
3= jammed to the max, can’t fit another item inside, its like a clown car (oh boy!)
 

My advice is that you do this walk through and grading with a partner, preferably a sibling or spouse.  While one of you is writing down the 1-3 grades mentioned above, the other should be conducting a treasure hunt.  You should note any valuables to research, family heirlooms, photos, and/or important documents you come across. 
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​Think about these key points when downsizing your home:

• What is valuable to our family in terms of sentimentality?
• Consider photographing items that are sentimental but you don’t really need to physically keep.
• What in the house is valuable to others? Some items may have monetary value when sold, while other things could be a valuable donation to charity.  
• Think something might be valuable?  Do a quick eBay search.
• If you’re concerned about overlooking valuables, consult a professional certified appraiser (a great source for online appraisals is The Estate Lady. Check her out here.) The cost is completely reasonable.
• Be realistic: check out this article from Forbes magazine, "Sorry, Nobody Wants Your Parents’ Stuff." 

​Knowing how much stuff you are truly dealing with is the first step to downsizing your house.  In our next blog post, we’ll be looking at how to discuss and start making decisions about the stuff. 

Professional Disclaimer: The ideas, recommendations, and opinions on this website, blog, and made in person are for educational and entertainment purposes only, and should not be considered legal, financial, or medical advice. I am not an attorney, doctor, or licensed financial professional. Sage Organizing Co., LLC is not liable for any losses or damages related to actions or failure to act related to the content of this website, blog, or in-person discussions. If you need specific legal, financial, or medical advice, consult a professional in your area.

To get you started with downsizing your home, we've created this FREE printable checklist.  Feel free to print as many copies as you like!