When nobody wants the family heirlooms anymore, what can you do?

As more and more of the US population ages, downsizes, and passes away there is a tremendous amount of STUFF flooding the market. Younger generations are faced with inheriting a sizable amount of family heirlooms, but their homes are already full. It seems nobody wants the family heirlooms anymore.  So what can you do when it happens to you?  
 
In this article, we'll discuss some options for what to do with the family heirlooms when nobody wants them. As a bonus for readers, we are sharing this free printable Declutter + Downsize Family Heirlooms Game Plan.
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Perhaps the toughest thing to deal with is managing expectations about family heirlooms. ​Items that have been in the family for decades are automatically passed down to the next generation...whether they like it or not. 

Obviously, there are many family heirlooms that are truly treasured and gratefully accepted.  However, there are also heirlooms that younger generations accept out of a sense of duty, guilt, or without even being asked if they want. 

Burden vs. Joy
If you're soon-to-be-inheriting, carefully consider what you honestly want to accept.  Accepting a family heirloom should be a joy, not a burden to carry. If you do not have the space for the item, respectfully decline to take it. If the item causes you emotional or financial distress, don't take it. Think of it this way: would your grandmother want you to have to pay for a storage unit so you can keep her dining room table? 

The Guilt
Often times, it is guilt that forces us to take things we really don't want. Human beings have the tendency to merge their emotions for a person into the THINGS that person owned.  But remember: it is just a THING, not a person.  Your love for your great aunt isn't lessened because you don't want her silver tea set.  You still love her...you just don't love tea sets. 

Things Nobody Ever Wants
There are things that get held onto and passed down that nobody ever wants.  Letters written in anger, racist antiques, and ashes of the deceased top the list. If an heirloom makes you feel sad, ashamed, or unjustly burdened, give yourself permission to get rid of it.  The things that live in your house should make you feel happy.

Tacky and outdated collections are another thing nobody ever wants.  Consider selling or donating items you know you will never even take out of the box. 

Related articles:
Help Organize Your Aging Parents (While They are Young + Healthy)
Mentally Prepare for Downsizing Your Home: 4 Tips to Control Your Emotions
Declutter, Donate, and Deduct

​If you have family heirlooms in your home, consider different options for using them.  For instance, if you inherited gold rimmed wine glasses, think about using them for your everyday glasses. Sure, the gold will wear off, but if nobody wants to take the glasses in the future, isn't it better to get some use out of them?

Another idea is to frame the heirloom and display it in your house.  Baptismal gowns, old letters and recipes, photographs, and military awards all lend themselves to display in shadowboxes. Have items professionally framed to preserve them. 

Perhaps one of the best ideas I've come across is giving the item a "Victory Lap". Let's say you've inherited the family wedding china...which has been packed away and sitting in your attic since you got it.  Using the Victory Lap concept, you would make an event out of using it one last time.

Unpack the china and set your table with it.  Invite as many family members as you can for dinner to use the china, even if it's just takeout pizza. During dinner, reminisce about the family member that owned the china and take lots of photographs. Offer each family member a place setting to take home. Pack up and donate the remaining pieces to charity.  Be sure to share the photos with your family. 

​If you've inherited a large collection that you do not want or have the space for, think about cutting it down.  For instance, if you've come into a large collection of Depression glass, choose 1 or 2 meaningful pieces and sell or donate the rest. 

If it is a collection you'll never use or display, give yourself permission to let it go.  You may feel guilty for selling or donating am family heirloom collection that a grandparent spent years building, but remember: theses are just THINGS, not a person.   You still love your grandparent even if you donated their Depression glass collection.

​Consider the historical significance of family heirlooms or collections and donate items where they will be treasured.    For example, wartime memorabilia may be appreciated by the local VFW post.  Old sports trophies and yearbooks may be of interest to the local high school. Research local historical societies, museums, universities, and service organizations. Things that nobody in your family wants may be welcomed elsewhere. 

​When selling antiques and family heirlooms, it is important to do your research.  Sometimes a simple online search will give you a rough idea whether an items holds any financial value or not. 

The best advice is to consult with a reputable certified appraiser.  Having a professional appraiser look at your items is worth the reasonable fee they charge.  Professionals can keep you from throwing away things your thought were fakes (such as jewelry) and give you an idea of what an item may be worth. 

If selling items yourself, use extreme caution. Be sure to only accept cash from buyers, meet at a safe public location, and have another person with you.  You can never be too careful.  

​Related Articles:

• Mom, We Have to Talk: 5 Ways to Discuss Downsizing with your Aging Parents
• Assess the Mess: How to Plan out Downsizing a Home
• 4 Smart Ideas for Selling Your Stuff Offline...and 1 Really Dumb One
  
• ​​Sometimes You Can’t Do it on Your Own: When it’s Time to Throw in the Towel and Hire an Estate Clearing Professional to Help you Finish the Job.

When nobody wants the family heirlooms, it can be difficult to figure out what to do.  You have several options, from saying "no" to taking the items to selling the items. Weigh your options carefully and make the decision that works best for you, your family, and your circumstance. 

Professional Disclaimer: The ideas, recommendations, and opinions on this website, blog, and made in person are for educational and entertainment purposes only, and should not be considered legal, financial, or medical advice. I am not an attorney, doctor, or licensed financial professional. Sage Organizing Co., LLC is not liable for any losses or damages related to actions or failure to act related to the content of this website, blog, or in-person discussions. If you need specific legal, financial, or medical advice, consult a professional in your area.

When you decide that you’re ready to downsize your family home, you’ll need to mentally prepare for the emotions that will bubble up. You’ll be faced with boxes of memories, souvenirs, and heirlooms.  It’s not the stuff in the house that brings up all the emotions: it’s the stories attached to the stuff. Clearing out a home for a downsizing or after the death of a loved one is a rite of passage.
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In this post, I’ll be sharing the 4 tips for controlling your emotions before, during and after you downsize your home. As a bonus for my subscribers, I’m sharing this Downsizing Your Home Emotional Roadmap.

First things first: just accept the fact that you are going to feel guilty about downsizing your home. It is totally normal to feel guilty about letting things go.  A lot of times, this is one of the biggest obstacles to overcome when downsizing. 

Whether you put the guilt on yourself or somebody else is guilt-tripping you, it still feels pretty rotten, right?

Some common guilt-isms:

• My Mom (or whoever) gave  this to me, so I have to keep it. 
• It was expensive, so I should get my money's worth.
• It doesn't fit anymore, but one day it might.

Remember, WHEN THE GUILT SETS IN IT IS OK TO LET IT GO.   Giving yourself permission to get rid of the guilt is liberating, y'all. 

Many of our parents were the children of Depression-era parents, so they grew up with the "I might need it someday" mindset. As a Professional Organizer, I see people save things "they might need" in literally 100% of the homes I work in.  (Note: I'm including myself in this category. For me it's gift bags.)

It was/is considered wasteful to throw things out for ANY reason.  Broken appliance? It can be fixed.  Leftover Cool Whip containers? Save them to store leftovers. Whole mess of gift bags after a birthday?  Save them and re-use. (See...I told you).

And let's not even get started on too small/slightly damaged clothes. Oy vey.

What I'm saying is IT ISN'T WASTEFUL TO LET SOMETHING GO IF YOU FIND A GOOD HOME FOR IT.   Let someone else benefit from the things you don't use or need. 

• Recycle and re-use things. But think about when it makes more sense to let it go.
• Save hand-me-down clothing for a friend or neighbor.  And then get it out of your house. Those size 4 jeans you'll never fit in again could make a difference in someone else's life. 
• Call a homeless shelter or a battered women's shelter or an animal shelter or a food bank and ask what they need.  Chances are you have things in your house right now that could be doing good for others.

Related articles:
Mom, We Have to Talk: 5 Ways to Discuss Downsizing with Your Aging Parents
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Assess the Mess: How to Plan Out Downsizing Your Home
With free Room-by-Room Checklist
 Help Organize Your Aging Parents (While They are Still Young and Healthy)
With free Conversation Guide

​This is where your heart is going to get you in trouble.  People transfer their love for a person into an object they associate with that person. It's science, y'all.
                                                                                                                                                                      But think about it: you are letting go of a THING, not your love for the person who gave it to you.

Just because I donated the encyclopedia set that I got from my Grandmother to Goodwill, it does not mean I don't love my Grandma.  I kept one of the books and let the rest go. And I still think about my Grandma every day when I see that one encyclopedia volume on my office shelves. Win-win.

Same goes with emotional souvenirs from our youth.  You don't need to keep every t-shirt from every sports team and vacation and event you went to.  Those are THINGS.  You will still have the memories even if you don't have bins of yellow t-shirts in the attic. 

Helpful tip: if you struggle to let sentimental items go, keep one or two, then photograph the rest and put the pictures in an album. 

Remember, you want to separate the object from the person when you are downsizing your house. 

​At some point during the downsizing process, you're going to get mad. Like, ready-to-scream-mad. 

Mad at yourself. Why didn't I start downsizing sooner? Why did I waste my money on this? I'm such an awful person for being mad (#guilt).

Mad at your parents. Why did they leave all this for me to deal with? What in the Hell were they thinking?

Mad at your spouse, siblings and/or kids.  Why aren't they pulling their weight in helping me? Why am I doing all this? 

IT IS COMPLETELY NORMAL TO FEEL ANGER.   Moving (including downsizing) is one of the most stressful things you can do.  It is normal and healthy to feel upset. Accept that anger is going to be a part of the process and make a plan in advance for how to handle it. 

Related article:
Clutter Puts the Rage in Garage: 6 Steps to DIY the Garage of Your Dreams.
With free Garage Organization Planner. 
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After all the guilt and the anger, you will eventually feel so much better. Even if you aren't planning on leaving this Earth anytime soon, downsizing your own home will remove an albatross from around your neck.  It's like the weight of the world being removed. 

Downsizing makes your feel happier because you know that you've lessened the burden on your family in the future. 

Downsizing your home makes you proud because you've helped others in your community by donating things you don't need or use. 

Professional Disclaimer: The ideas, recommendations, and opinions on this website, blog, and made in person are for educational and entertainment purposes only, and should not be considered legal, financial, or medical advice. I am not an attorney, doctor, or licensed financial professional. Sage Organizing Co., LLC is not liable for any losses or damages related to actions or failure to act related to the content of this website, blog, or in-person discussions. If you need specific legal, financial, or medical advice, consult a professional in your area.

Related articles:
Mom, We Have to Talk: 5 Ways to Discuss Downsizing with Your Aging Parents
With free Discussion Cheat Sheet
Assess the Mess: How to Plan Out Downsizing Your Home
With free Room-by-Room Checklist
 Help Organize Your Aging Parents (While They are Still Young and Healthy)
With free Conversation Guide

​If you’re in your 30- 40’s, chances are that you have both sets of parents and they are in relatively good health. I am fortunate that my parents and my in-laws are all enjoying their retirements, traveling, and hobbies.  We haven’t yet had to face any declining health, etc. with our aging parents (knock on wood). Although it may be awkward, now is the perfect time to start having the preliminary discussions about their Later Life Plans. In this blog post, I’ll set out some baby steps to get you started. As a bonus, I've created afree printable discussion guide to help you get started. 

Helping your aging parent is not an easy task. ​Just like life insurance, it’s much easier to talk about Later Life plans before anyone needs it. If you can start the  family conversation process while everyone is still young + healthy, it gives you the luxury of time. Waiting until someone is suddenly ill, broke, or dead is only going to cause stress, misunderstandings, and very often, family strife.

Raise your hand if any of these are your reasons for NOT talking about Later Life Plans with your aging parents (APs). 

• For APs, NOT TALKING about things is the norm.
• Ditto that for many families.  And if you come from the Midwest (like me), we truly excel at not talking about things!
• Talking about Later Life Plans means eventually talking about Death.  And nobody likes to think about that.
• There is legal paperwork involved and it’s too complicated, expensive, confusing, and/or overwhelming to start.
• There’s some sort of family discord and somebody will definitely object, be offended and/or hurt by the efforts to discuss Later Life.
• Everyone assumes that the adult child living closest to Mom or Dad will take care of it all. 
• Money.  Discussing financial plans for Later Life is awkward at best, taboo at worst. 

​I hear your reasons why you can’t do it.  I get it.  But I’m here to tell you to suck it up, Buttercup, and get it done.  No more excuses.  Call, email, Skype or visit your aging parent in the next 2 days and start the conversation.  

​Pick a time when there are no distractions or other obligations, so you can focus entirely on the conversation and give it your undivided attention. Note: the middle of your nephew’s graduation or during Thanksgiving dinner are AWFUL times! Same goes for when anyone involved has been drinking.   Choose a quiet moment when there is a lull in family activity so you can focus on the conversation. 

​EXPLICITLY state that you want to help your aging parent fulfill their wishes and they can depend on you.  Be very transparent that you aren’t looking to influence their decisions, lay claim to the family jewels, or any other shenanigans. I’d recommend transparency with your siblings, too.  You don't want it to get weird.

You are probably not going to figure out the Later Life Plans for both your aging parents in one talk, so plan for the next step.  Set a timeline, an attainable goal, or assign someone responsibility  to complete something. 

​For example, you could say “Next time we talk, I’ll bring along a printed copy of a blank Living Will for us to discuss”. You also want to make sure you have an agreed-upon plan if your loved ones can no longer make decisions or in the event in an emergency.

A great resource is  this free conversation guide, created by A Place for Mom.

​Your aging parents have probably lived in their home for years, if not decades. That means it is CHOCK FULL, right?!? Your older parents' home probably has a mixture of items in it. 

Things They are Holding Onto (and SHOULD)

• Jewelry
• Sterling Silver (but not silver plated items)
• Coin, stamp, artwork, gun, crystal or other valuable collections
• Truly unique, high-end antiques that are in pristine condition
• Family photos
• Sentimental items (christening & wedding gowns, military memorabilia, etc.)

*Note: I am not an expert appraiser.  Always have your valuables checked by a professional.  A great resource is for online and in person appraisals is The Estate Lady. 

Things with Perceived Value, But Unfortunately Not Much Financial Value Anymore
The best way to describe this is to quote this article from Forbes magazine: “Sorry, Nobody Wants Your Parents’ Stuff”.  Start planning now for what will become of: 

• “Brown” furniture
• Most mass-produced china and glassware
• Tchotchkes
• Organs (the musical instrument, not your innards)

Things That I Beg You to Throw Away or Donate

• Greeting cards, magazines and newspapers with no historical significance
• Old Tupperware, appliances with frayed cords, and cookbooks
• Flower delivery vases
• Plastic souvenir cups and empty Cool Whip bowls.  Trust me: your aging parents have these.
• Your school papers, textbooks, and every drawing you ever did. Keep your diploma, let the rest of it go. 
• 80% of the stuff stored in the garage
• Clothing that hasn't been worn in decades

That's where I can help!  Click here to learn more about my in-person downsizing services.

Related articles
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*Note: I am a not a licensed attorney or financial adviser.  Any advice I give is of a personal nature.  Please consult with a professional regarding your legal and financial needs.
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There are 4 important legal documents you should ensure your aging parent has.

• Will: An up-to-date Will is an important document.
• Living Will (also called Advance Health Care Directive)
• Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care:
• Durable Power of Attorney for Finances:

There are a couple topics that may or may not be included in the above forms, but you should discuss with your aging parent.

• Organ Donation registration
• Final Disposition Instructions (funeral and burial wishes)
• Digital Legacy Plan

​The best way to find out exactly what sort of documents are required by your state is to google “Advance Directives (Your State)”.  Then choose a site that is an official state website, NOT a for-profit business. You can print most of the forms free of charge. 

• Come follow me on Pinterest: I have a great collection of information to help you + your aging parents. 
• Join the Sage Advice Monthly E-News.  Every month I share a easy tip to help organize your aging parents. 

​Once you’ve confirmed that all the paperwork is complete, you’ll also want to make sure that all the key decision makers are aware of the wishes of your aging parent and they have Xeroxed copies. This means people named as executors/agents/proxy, family members, healthcare providers, etc.  The simplest way to do this is to make a list of who all gets a copy, then seal copies in  an envelope and deliver to them.  The recipient of the documents should secure the documents in a safe or safety deposit box. 

​Starting the talk with your aging parent about their Later Life Plans can be a difficult topic.  But please: don’t put it off!  The next time to call or visit with your aging parent, ask permission to help start the conversation with them. Once you start talking, the ball will be rolling.  

Later this year, I'll be offering a Later Life Planning Guide, workshops and one-on-one coaching. Contact me now if you'd like to join the wait list!

Professional Disclaimer: The ideas, recommendations, and opinions on this website, blog, and made in person are for educational and entertainment purposes only, and should not be considered legal, financial, or medical advice. I am not an attorney, doctor, or licensed financial professional. Sage Organizing Co., LLC is not liable for any losses or damages related to actions or failure to act related to the content of this website, blog, or in-person discussions. If you need specific legal, financial, or medical advice, consult a professional in your area.