Downsizing your home can be a tough emotional road.
When you decide that you’re ready to downsize your family home, you’ll need to mentally prepare for the emotions that will bubble up. You’ll be faced with boxes of memories, souvenirs, and heirlooms. It’s not the stuff in the house that brings up all the emotions: it’s the stories attached to the stuff. Clearing out a home for a downsizing or after the death of a loved one is a rite of passage.
In this post, I’ll be sharing the 4 tips for controlling your emotions before, during and after you downsize your home. As a bonus for my subscribers, I’m sharing this Downsizing Your Home Emotional Roadmap. Get mentally prepared: let’s talk about the emotional impact of downsizing your home. Keep Reading.#1 You’re Going to Feel Guilty, but let it go
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You know that in addition to being a tough task physically, downsizing your home is emotionally taxing. You now have your head in the game and know what to expect when it comes to the feelings you'll have.
To help you on your journey, I've created this Downsizing Your Home Emotional Roadmap just for you! Feel free to download it now. What emotions have you experienced when moving or downsizing? Leave me a note in the comments section! |
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Mom, We Have to Talk: 5 Ways to Discuss Downsizing with Your Aging Parents
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Assess the Mess: How to Plan Out Downsizing Your Home
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Help Organize Your Aging Parents (While They are Still Young and Healthy)
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Mom, We Have to Talk: 5 Ways to Discuss Downsizing with Your Aging Parents
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If you’re in your 30- 40’s, chances are that you have both sets of parents and they are in relatively good health. I am fortunate that my parents and my in-laws are all enjoying their retirements, traveling, and hobbies. We haven’t yet had to face any declining health, etc. with our aging parents (knock on wood). Although it may be awkward, now is the perfect time to start having the preliminary discussions about their Later Life Plans. In this blog post, I’ll set out some baby steps to get you started. As a bonus, I've created afree printable discussion guide to help you get started.
Want to help organize your aging parents? Read on.
Start Talking Before It Gets Awkward
Helping your aging parent is not an easy task. Just like life insurance, it’s much easier to talk about Later Life plans before anyone needs it. If you can start the family conversation process while everyone is still young + healthy, it gives you the luxury of time. Waiting until someone is suddenly ill, broke, or dead is only going to cause stress, misunderstandings, and very often, family strife.
I Know Your Excuses...because they’re the Same Ones I Used
Raise your hand if any of these are your reasons for NOT talking about Later Life Plans with your aging parents (APs).
- For APs, NOT TALKING about things is the norm.
- Ditto that for many families. And if you come from the Midwest (like me), we truly excel at not talking about things!
- Talking about Later Life Plans means eventually talking about Death. And nobody likes to think about that.
- There is legal paperwork involved and it’s too complicated, expensive, confusing, and/or overwhelming to start.
- There’s some sort of family discord and somebody will definitely object, be offended and/or hurt by the efforts to discuss Later Life.
- Everyone assumes that the adult child living closest to Mom or Dad will take care of it all.
- Money. Discussing financial plans for Later Life is awkward at best, taboo at worst.
Suck it Up, Buttercup.
I hear your reasons why you can’t do it. I get it. But I’m here to tell you to suck it up, Buttercup, and get it done. No more excuses. Call, email, Skype or visit your aging parent in the next 2 days and start the conversation.
Timing Is Everything
(aka Don’t Start Talking at Thanksgiving Dinner)
Pick a time when there are no distractions or other obligations, so you can focus entirely on the conversation and give it your undivided attention. Note: the middle of your nephew’s graduation or during Thanksgiving dinner are AWFUL times! Same goes for when anyone involved has been drinking. Choose a quiet moment when there is a lull in family activity so you can focus on the conversation.
Emphasize Your Role as an Advocate
EXPLICITLY state that you want to help your aging parent fulfill their wishes and they can depend on you. Be very transparent that you aren’t looking to influence their decisions, lay claim to the family jewels, or any other shenanigans. I’d recommend transparency with your siblings, too. You don't want it to get weird.
End the Conversation with a Plan, No Matter How Small
You are probably not going to figure out the Later Life Plans for both your aging parents in one talk, so plan for the next step. Set a timeline, an attainable goal, or assign someone responsibility to complete something.
For example, you could say “Next time we talk, I’ll bring along a printed copy of a blank Living Will for us to discuss”. You also want to make sure you have an agreed-upon plan if your loved ones can no longer make decisions or in the event in an emergency.
A great resource is this free conversation guide, created by A Place for Mom.
For example, you could say “Next time we talk, I’ll bring along a printed copy of a blank Living Will for us to discuss”. You also want to make sure you have an agreed-upon plan if your loved ones can no longer make decisions or in the event in an emergency.
A great resource is this free conversation guide, created by A Place for Mom.
Conversation #1:
What’s the Plan for All the Stuff in the House.
Your aging parents have probably lived in their home for years, if not decades. That means it is CHOCK FULL, right?!? Your older parents' home probably has a mixture of items in it.
Things They are Holding Onto (and SHOULD)
- Jewelry
- Sterling Silver (but not silver plated items)
- Coin, stamp, artwork, gun, crystal or other valuable collections
- Truly unique, high-end antiques that are in pristine condition
- Family photos
- Sentimental items (christening & wedding gowns, military memorabilia, etc.)
Things with Perceived Value, But Unfortunately Not Much Financial Value Anymore
The best way to describe this is to quote this article from Forbes magazine: “Sorry, Nobody Wants Your Parents’ Stuff”. Start planning now for what will become of:
The best way to describe this is to quote this article from Forbes magazine: “Sorry, Nobody Wants Your Parents’ Stuff”. Start planning now for what will become of:
- “Brown” furniture
- Most mass-produced china and glassware
- Tchotchkes
- Organs (the musical instrument, not your innards)
Things That I Beg You to Throw Away or Donate
- Greeting cards, magazines and newspapers with no historical significance
- Old Tupperware, appliances with frayed cords, and cookbooks
- Flower delivery vases
- Plastic souvenir cups and empty Cool Whip bowls. Trust me: your aging parents have these.
- Your school papers, textbooks, and every drawing you ever did. Keep your diploma, let the rest of it go.
- 80% of the stuff stored in the garage
- Clothing that hasn't been worn in decades
Want to help your aging parents with clearing out all the stuff in the house?
That's where I can help! Click here to learn more about my in-person downsizing services.
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Conversation #2:
Four Important Legal Papers
*Note: I am a not a licensed attorney or financial adviser. Any advice I give is of a personal nature. Please consult with a professional regarding your legal and financial needs.
There are 4 important legal documents you should ensure your aging parent has.
There are 4 important legal documents you should ensure your aging parent has.
- Will: An up-to-date Will is an important document.
- Living Will (also called Advance Health Care Directive)
- Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care:
- Durable Power of Attorney for Finances:
- Organ Donation registration
- Final Disposition Instructions (funeral and burial wishes)
- Digital Legacy Plan (learn more about what this ishere)
How can you find out what documents you need in your state?
The best way to find out exactly what sort of documents are required by your state is to google “Advance Directives (Your State)”. Then choose a site that is an official state website, NOT a for-profit business. You can print most of the forms free of charge.
Want more Advice on Helping your Aging Parents?
- Come follow me on Pinterest: I have a great collection of information to help you + your aging parents.
- Join the Sage Advice Monthly E-News. Every month I share a easy tip to help organize your aging parents.
They have all the papers in order! Now what?
Once you’ve confirmed that all the paperwork is complete, you’ll also want to make sure that all the key decision makers are aware of the wishes of your aging parent and they have Xeroxed copies. This means people named as executors/agents/proxy, family members, healthcare providers, etc. The simplest way to do this is to make a list of who all gets a copy, then seal copies in an envelope and deliver to them. The recipient of the documents should secure the documents in a safe or safety deposit box.
You've started the process of later life planning!
Starting the talk with your aging parent about their Later Life Plans can be a difficult topic. But please: don’t put it off! The next time to call or visit with your aging parent, ask permission to help start the conversation with them. Once you start talking, the ball will be rolling.
Coming soon...Later Life Planning Guide, workshops, and one-on-one coaching
Later this year, I'll be offering a Later Life Planning Guide, workshops and one-on-one coaching. Contact me now if you'd like to join the wait list!
Professional Disclaimer: The ideas, recommendations, and opinions on this website, blog, and made in person are for educational and entertainment purposes only, and should not be considered legal, financial, or medical advice. I am not an attorney, doctor, or licensed financial professional. Sage Organizing Co., LLC is not liable for any losses or damages related to actions or failure to act related to the content of this website, blog, or in-person discussions. If you need specific legal, financial, or medical advice, consult a professional in your area.
Professional Disclaimer: The ideas, recommendations, and opinions on this website, blog, and made in person are for educational and entertainment purposes only, and should not be considered legal, financial, or medical advice. I am not an attorney, doctor, or licensed financial professional. Sage Organizing Co., LLC is not liable for any losses or damages related to actions or failure to act related to the content of this website, blog, or in-person discussions. If you need specific legal, financial, or medical advice, consult a professional in your area.
Hey There!
I'm Candi.
I'm an Estate Clearing Pro + Professional Organizer, helping people with family in senior care or that have lost someone to clear out all the contents of the house within a week.
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