Mom, we have to talk: 5 ways to discuss downsizing with your aging parents

HOw do you downsize A HOUSE FULL OF STUFF?

​At some point, every family in America will be faced with the task of helping their aging parents downsize a home that has probably been lived in for decades.  Whether the downsize is to move to a smaller home or an assisted living facility, it can be a tremendously overwhelming process. Where things get tricky, of course, is figuring out what to do with a lifetime of possessions. A home is museum of your family’s life, so it can be emotionally difficult to let things go.
 
In this post, I’ll share the 5 keys to success for a downsizing project.  As a bonus, I’ve created this FREE Discussion Cheat Sheet.  Click to download. 

Ready to Start the Discussion about Downsizing a Lifetime of Stuff?  Keep Reading

#1 Take it One Room at a Time
​

Don’t try to downsize the whole house at once: just take it one room at a time. For the first room, choose a room that has the least amount of items in it.  That way when you’ve completed that room you have a small success under your belt and it will motivate you to keep going.

Be aware and respect the fact that there is emotional weight attached to many of the items in every house.  You will probably hear “that belonged to my mother/grandparent” more times than you can count. Be patient and take breaks if you start to feel frustrated. 

It will take some strict self-enforcement, but as you review items, stick to Yes or No, but never Maybe.  If you allow Maybes, it becomes the “dumping ground” for things that you will have to review again.  Anything that is a Yes should have a specific place, purpose, or plan for the new home. A No should be separated out into Donate or Discard. 

​Related articles:
Assess the Mess: How to Plan out Downsizing a Home.
with free printable Room-by-Room checklist
Mentally Prepare for Downsizing Your Home: 4 Tips to Control Your Emotions
with free printable Emotional Roadmap
5 Secrets for Solving Family Inheritance Disputes

 
#2 Choose your treasures instead of lamenting your losses
​

The thought of getting rid of 75% of your possessions can be distressing, at the very least and traumatic at the worst.  I have 2 ways to frame the job that I suggest trying:

1. “Let’s choose the items you want to treasure” instead of “What can we get rid of?”. Just the simple mind-shift can ease the emotional impact.  Make this your mantra.
2. “Donating these items to Habitat for Humanity (or whatever charity is close to your parents’ heart) will be such a blessing to someone.”  Knowing that the things in your home will benefit someone else can make it easier to let go. 
   
   

When choosing what day-to-day items will make the move along with your parent, choose the items they use daily.  For example, if your Mom has old worn juice glasses that she has used every day for 25 years, those should go to her new home.  Don’t choose the fancy juice glasses she got for a wedding present and never used, and surely don’t go buy a brand new set of glasses, either.  Having familiar items in the new home will help ease some of the transition anxiety and provide comfort.

To read more about Organizing Your Aging Parents, click here.

#3 Make a Plan for Collections
​

​Have a strategy for dealing with collections, because there simply will not be room to take everything to the new home. Whether it is a collection of salt and pepper shakers or antique tools, try these three tips.

1. “Choose your one favorite piece to treasure”.   It is important to give your aging parent some control in what they want to take with them. Moving to a new home is very stressful and can make your parents feel that they aren’t in control of their own lives anymore.
2. “Let’s pack this one items to take with you, and we’ll create a photo album of the other items”.  Photographing treasured pieces of a collection, printing them out and creating an album is a good way to preserve the memories.
3. “Let’s start gifting these legacy items now”.  For example, if a family member is going to be the eventual recipient of the antique tool collection, give it to them now.  If your parent knows that their wishes are being carried out, it helps with the anxiety. 

want help getting started?

#4 Make a plan for Selling or Donating 
​

Be realistic about how you’re going to get rid of 75% of a home’s possessions. It is a significant amount of work to coordinate all the logistics. Your main options are to sell or to donate.
Selling items
Most families have the desire to sell some of the possessions, but aren’t sure where to start.  You can try services like EBTH or estate sale companies. Always check with the Better Business Bureau and check references of any service you retain to sell your items.  Some families choose to consign household items: be advised that there is quite a process involved.  Another route is to list things on Craigslist, eBay, Facebook, etc., but be aware that the sheer number of items you’ll have to manage is overwhelming. The technology and selling items one-by-one is tedious and can be a barrier.

Related article: Help Organize Your Aging Parents While They Are Still Young + Healthy, includes Free Printable Checklist
Donations
Do a google search for local charities in your area to find out where you can donate items.  You can find good homes for nearly all of the things in an average home.  For example, local pet shelters and animal hospitals always accept sheets, towels, linens and laundry detergent.  Local schools are happy to accept office supplies and food banks accept unopened food, food wrap, etc.

If your parents have collections that may have interest to a museum or school, consider donating the entire collection.  For instance, a large collection of military memorabilia may find a new home in a local museum, military school, or veterans center.
​
Find charities that will pick-up donations at the home. Each group usually has their own guidelines about what they will and won’t accept, so take a minute to research them. Discuss with your parents whether they want to be there as items are being carried away or not.  

​5 Consider hiring a Professional Organizer or other estate professionals.

​Having a neutral party help with the process can ease the amount of family tension. There are often family dynamics that make the downsizing process complex, so bring in a professional to help navigate.  Do a Google search for local Professional Organizers and be sure to check references.  When hiring a professional, be sure you are clear about your timeline, any concerns you have, and most of all, be honest. 

Click here to contact a professional organizer: me!

Professional Disclaimer: The ideas, recommendations, and opinions on this website, blog, and made in person are for educational and entertainment purposes only, and should not be considered legal, financial, or medical advice. I am not an attorney, doctor, or licensed financial professional. Sage Organizing Co., LLC is not liable for any losses or damages related to actions or failure to act related to the content of this website, blog, or in-person discussions. If you need specific legal, financial, or medical advice, consult a professional in your area.

YOu're ready to get started downsizing.

Downsizing a lifetime of stuff can be an overwhelming and emotional task. Start early, be patient, and respect the emotional distress downsizing can have on your parents.

To help get you started, I’ve created this free Discussion Cheat sheet.  Download and put it to good use!